Good child syndrome is a pattern of behavior in which the child strives to please others, follow rules and avoid conflict at all costs. This behavior may arise from a need for external approval, fear of rejection or criticism, or even from a family environment in which submission and blind obedience are rewarded. We will refer to the "good child" referring to both boys and girls.
Children who develop this syndrome may have difficulty expressing their own needs and desires, as they tend to constantly prioritize those of others. This can lead to a lack of autonomy, low self-esteem and difficulty in establishing healthy boundaries in their interpersonal relationships.
Symptoms of the good child
Children's behavior gives off signals that can help us identify the good child syndrome.
"If others criticize me, they must be right.""
The good child does not critically analyze what others say to him; he simply believes it. Any negative comment, insult or aggression is accepted without the slightest analysis. He thinks that others know more than he does, that they are right and that, if they say that to him, it must be for a reason.
He fears punishment from dad and/or mom if he makes a mistake.
The good child avoids any unpleasant feelings. It is better not to try anything than to do something and fail. Constant anxiety and fear lead him to avoid any difficult, risky situation, which he can postpone endlessly. He avoids making decisions by postponing them for later or simply allowing someone else to make them.
He tends to avoid conflict, so he does not claim his rights or state his wishes.
Simply put, the good child allows the other to choose where to go, what to do, what to eat, etc. In the face of conflict, his main strategy is to give in. He feels that accumulating unpleasant feelings inside him could lead him to an uncontrollable situation or to a deep discomfort. Giving in permanently to his likes and desires gives him the illusion that his unpleasant feelings will diminish. He thinks that if there is tension in a relationship, it means that they get along badly and that he will be abandoned.
The less attention he draws, the better.
In general, the good child is a nice, docile person who confuses aggressiveness with violence. This makes him lose the ability to set limits and makes him live doing what others say. Feeling rejected, inferior, inadequate is a constant fantasy that generates anguish and leads him to always give.
How to change the good child dynamic
For the good child a healthy exercise would be to ask more frequently, "What do I want?".
It is important to approach this syndrome from a perspective that encourages self-expression, autonomy and the development of self-esteem in children. This involves encouraging them to express their emotions, teaching them to set healthy boundaries and fostering their ability to make decisions for themselves.
Recognizing what they want and making decisions allows the good child to regain their axis, the inner center, and to feel that their desire is as important as the desire of others.
In summary, the good child syndrome can have negative consequences on a child's emotional and social development, so it is essential to address it consciously and empathetically in the parenting process.